Others wouldn't agree. I put on my makeup and paint on a smile. Everyone says how pretty I look. They don't see what I see. All the accessories needed to just be comfortable in a dress, spanx and multiple safety pins. Little irritants to my body and my mind. Wishing that I didn't have to have these things. Wishing it just fit right. Really wishing my body would just miraculously change. I'd be a little taller, a lot thinner. Being in the dress brings out the worst in me. Anger that I am not like the other girls. Anger once directed at God now directed to myself. Mad that I didn't pay closer attention to my health/weight and now I feel so behind. Playing catchup after years of wishing. Wishing changes nothing. Working at it does. I just wish I'd come to that conclusion at 15, 16, or...even 25. Changing now at 35 seems so difficult. Years of bad habits, unhealthy choices. I just want to give up....I won't though. I will work. I will fight for my health. I will pray for a change of perspective. Instead of perfect bodies walking, I pray I can see souls in need of Salvation. I need a God perspective.I am praying for a change. Change in my mind and body. And while I am praying I will continue to work at it. Calling on God to give me the physical strength and the mental faithfulness to stick with it. So next time I wear a dress......it doesn't bring out the worst in me.
Psalms 31: 24 "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord."
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:14
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Aaron, I think you're right. It's all in perspective! The heart determines your thoughts, which determines your actions. Funny creatures we are. I'm still praying for you! Love, Kathy
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